I don't think it's possible to avoid hating someone who's deeply hurt you. My ex-husband betrayed me and hurt me far beyond what any human being should have to take, and I admit it: I hate him. Why shouldn't I?
I understand why you feel angry and hurt, and so does God. But God also knows what this will do to you, and He wants to help you move beyond it to peace and hope and new life. Right now, you probably don’t think it’s possible, but with God’s help it is.
The first step, I believe, is to start looking to the future instead of the past. Yes, the past is painful, and just as scars from a major surgery take time to heal, so do the inner scars from a major emotional trauma. But if you dwell on them and even take pleasure in them (which, strangely, can happen), then you’ll always be caught in an emotional prison of anger and hate. Instead, ask God to help you focus on the future He has for you instead of the past.
Then, turn your anger and your hatred over to God. They aren’t doing you any good; in fact, they’re like a deadly poison to your soul. The Bible warns of those who die “in bitterness of soul, never having enjoyed anything good” (Job 21:25).
Most of all, let the love of God flood your life. God loves you; He loves you so much that His Son was willing to give His life for your salvation. And unlike human love, His love will never fail. If you’ve never done so, open your heart and life to Jesus Christ today. His promise is for you: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you” (John 14:27).