Would it be all right to marry if my boyfriend promises to change and control his temper?


Marriage is a serious decision. Loneliness can make you vulnerable. Do not agree to marriage just because you are lonely and want security; few things are as tragic as a miserable marriage outside the will of God.

Above all, you need to seek God’s will. You would be wise to be cautious.

There are several warning flags that you need to heed. Certainly one warning flag is his past. How much do you really know about him and his previous relationships, not just from him, but from others who know him? A man who cannot control his temper (even when he is trying to make a good impression) should concern you greatly—no matter how many promises he makes about how he will change in the future.

The Bible warns, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control” (Proverbs 29:11). It also declares, “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins” (Proverbs 29:22).

There are several questions you need to ask yourself. Is he committed to Christ? Does his life bear the fruit of one who follows Jesus? Does he go to church and encourage others to do the same? Does he put your needs above his, or do other things concern him more? Is your relationship fulfilling and happy, or unsatisfying and empty?

If problems exist in these areas, entering into a marriage relationship most often will intensify these problems rather than solve them. We would suggest that you contact a Gospel-preaching pastor for assistance and guidance in the matter.

If marriage is included in God’s plan for your life, make certain that you consider marriage only to someone who knows and loves the Lord and intends to make Christ the center of the relationship. (Remember, the Bible says we should not be unequally yoked; read 2 Corinthians 6:14-15.)

Seek God’s will for your future. Put Christ first in your life—and then don’t settle for anything that is less than God’s perfect plan.

If you are currently in danger, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline or call 1-800-799-SAFE.