I know you believe people go to heaven after they die, but I think instead that "heaven" is something that only happens in this life. In other words, we create our own heaven (or hell) right now by the way we live.
It is true that how we live influences the quality of our lives; our lives will be better if we do what is right, and our lives will be worse if we insist on doing what is wrong. The Bible warns that “the way of the unfaithful is hard” (Proverbs 13:15).
But the Bible makes it clear that life doesn’t end with the grave. After we die we will continue to live, either in that place of happiness the Bible calls heaven or in that place of anguish the Bible calls hell. Jesus warned, “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28).
Don’t gamble with your soul any longer—which is what you are doing right now. Instead, I pray you will come to realize that God loves you and you are valuable to Him. He loves you so much that He wants you to spend eternity with Him in heaven. He loves you so much that He sent His only Son into the world to die for your sins on the cross.
Don’t let pride, or a desire to be independent, or anything else keep you from giving your life to Christ. You need Him, both for this life and the next. The Bible says, “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life” (John 3:36).